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Humor :D Feeling low? Here’s something to cheer you up.

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Mandala

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This forum is very GW driven, well no wonder it’s a guild forum. However, I thought that some of you might have some funny or amusing stuff to share so that people who want to have some good time, chill, or cheer up could drop bye here and have a look.
If nobody decides to join I’ll just post something myself from time to time so that you may have some
laugh.
Enjoy
lol!

Mandala

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Ok, here is something for all computer maniacs, if you think you know everything about computers take a look at that Smile


Tech Support

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nuthin' yet." This is an excerpt from a "Wall Street Journal" article.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

5. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer" The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens. " The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

9. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a "P". Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech: "P" on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!!!"

Guest


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Do you still think we talk only about GW all the time?

http://phiforum.phyforum.com/t15-slightly-sexist-jokes#330

Mandala

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And maybe one more thing for all English speaking people. If you would like to assess how proficient in English you are study try my short test tongue .


Beginners

Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watches which swatch watch?

Advanced

Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watches which Swatch watch switch?

Proficiency

Three swiss witchbitches, which wished to be switched swiss witchbitches, wish to watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witchbitch which wishes to be a switched swiss witchbitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch?

Mandala

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Of course I don’t btw it’s great, my husband loved that Wink

gatopreto

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I notice that Dell customers cropped up a lot in the IT jokes....says something about the people that dont mind Dells Razz

Kestrelle

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Came across this some years ago - just in case anyone hasn't seen it before - still makes me laugh Very Happy

Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, "Why do Airplanes Fly?" on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: "Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

Mandala

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Haha I haven't seen this version, I saw something else concerning this topic. But this one is good too

gatopreto

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Pinched this from a website, citing funny employer's appraisals of their employees Very Happy

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

Mickey

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Funny Newspaper Headlines

Couple slain; police suspect homicide

Kids make nutritious snacks

County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds

Utah Poison Center reminds everyone not to take poison

Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons

Crack found in man's buttocks

President wins budget; more lies ahead

Local high school dropouts cut in half

Typhoon rips through cemetery - hundreds dead

New study of obesity looks for larger test group

Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike Says

One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers

Fish need water, Fed says

Astronaut takes blame for gas in space
Plane too close to ground, crash probe told

Miners refuse to work after death

Juvenile court to try shooting defendant

Stolen painting found by tree

Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout

War dims hope for peace

If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while

17 remain dead in morgue shooting spree

Coach fire - passengers safely alight

Grandmother of eight makes a hole in one

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

Police begin campaign to run down Jaywalkers

Drunks get nine months in violin case

Eastern head seeks arms

Prostitutes appeal to religious Leader

Failed panda mating - veterinarian takes over

Mandala

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gatopreto wrote:Pinched this from a website, citing funny employer's appraisals of their employees Very Happy

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

lol! Love 17 (I actually work with such a person tongue) and 24 Very Happy

Mandala

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Mickey wrote:

Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike Says

Failed panda mating - veterinarian takes over


Love those two Laughing .
Talking about golf, here are some golf jokes

Near the end of a particularly trying round of golf, during which the golfer had hit numerous fat shots, he said in frustration to his caddy, "I'd move heaven and earth to break a hundred on this course." "Try heaven," said the caddy. "You've already moved most of the earth.”

A guy was on a holiday in Mexico and rented a car to go to the nearest golfcourse for a round of golf. When he returned the car, the man in the car rental agency noticed that the golfer had dropped something in the front seat and said: "Excuse me, sir, but are these yours?" "Yes, thanks, those are my tees." "What do you do with them?" "I put my balls on them when I drive..."

"Caddy, why do you keep looking at your watch?" asked the curious golfer."It's not a watch, sir. It's a compass"

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the heck out of the buttercups.
Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere.
She blocks the path to her golfbag, looks at her and says, "I'm Mother Nature, and I don't like the way you've treated my buttercups. From now on...you won't be able to stand the taste of butter. Each time you eat butter you will become physically ill to the point of total nausea." The mystery woman then disappeared as quickly as she appeared.
Shaken, the wife calls out to her husband, "Hey, where's your ball?"
"It's over here in the pussy willows," he replied.
The wife screams back, "DON'T HIT THE BALL!!!! DO NOT HI
T THE BALL!!!!

gatopreto

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What do you get when you cross a sheep and a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper!

*badum tish!*

Guest


Guest
This a little bit funny and sad, someone og GW Guru complained that he got hacked and lost all his precious stuff. He started to name it:
-End game items, so I need a Book of Secrets (I got the prophecies end game item)
-My miniature varresh (any way to get this without buying one since I own a CE?)
-All my preorder items I cna just make with /bonus

Mandala

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Check this out cat I love cats but this one is so cute, sweet and funny at the same time I could eat it lol! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78u8QdngLy4

Guest


Guest
Mandala wrote:Check this out cat I love cats but this one is so cute, sweet and funny at the same time I could eat it lol! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78u8QdngLy4

Hahahaha! This is soooo funny! Laughing Laughing

gatopreto

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCKi7b1Nqk0&feature=relmfu

Linked off the kitten video! Man, there could be pages and pages of animal bloopers Razz

gatopreto

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU&feature=related

This show is actually really good, all on the youtube channel. Finally, people who are on our level! Very Happy

Mandala

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gatopreto wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU&feature=related

This show is actually really good, all on the youtube channel. Finally, people who are on our level! Very Happy

I suggest we all make costumes of our main chars in GW and make a party clown

Mandala

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I love this one, here are 10 drugs you shouldn't take when you are driving a car enjoy Arrow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnoaK6rHuwc

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